Post by Bryan on Feb 16, 2020 12:37:05 GMT -5
I need relationship advice. I asked on Reddit but I didn’t get any responses. b*tches.
Late last year I met this guy on a dating app and we started talking literally every single day and we really hit it off. We went on several dates, he was showing signs that he was really into me, and it’s VERY difficult (and hence it’s been a VERY long time) for me to even like someone but I started really liking him. I will say we tended to have different interests (he’s full time in med school, an adventurous cook, loves politics and I’m a full time worker, a very picky eater, not so into politics) but despite that we got along great and we did have things in common too. And everything was compatible in bed too for anyone who asks lol
Anyway the situation gets hairy around November, he goes home for Thanksgiving break, and when he gets back I’m really sick, then he has to study for a test so it’s like almost 2 weeks of not seeing each other but we’re still talking every day. We finally agree on a day to get together and I’m very excited and then on that day I get this text from him:
Bryan,
I genuinely feel terrible right now about this, but I also really feel the need to get something off my chest. Ive been thinking a lot recently and have been realizing that I think there are too many differences between us that would probably cause incompatibility problems if we continued toward the relationship we seem to be headed toward. You’re such a good person and you deserve a lot better than what I can give you right now. I’m really really sorry, especially for the suddenness of this, but again I just felt it was important to be honest about how I felt. I really don’t want you to think this is because of anything you did, its definitely mostly my neuroticism. I really hope that we can be friends going forward if thats possible; Im so so freaking sorry again
—
I was like :///// “it’s not you it’s me” is such a cop out and he really didn’t actually explain why he felt it wouldn’t work. It was all very vague. I texted back:
Obviously I’m upset, but I appreciate that you were honest with me. If you want to be friends still then that’s possible.
____
But while I was sulking for a bit I really wasn’t satisfied with his explanation. So a few days later I texted this:
Hey. I wanted to text you to clear some things up. First, I’ll admit it stung being dumped mostly because I felt like it came out of nowhere and also the reasoning seemed vague. But you’re an adult and allowed to make that decision and I’m also an adult and mature enough to handle rejection. I’m more interested in dealing with the present and defining our relationship moving forward. Sure you said you’d like to be friends but I’m not sure if that was just a nicety lol. So if you want to be friends, just acquaintances, never speak again, all of that’s fine, but you just gotta let me know.
And got this response:
Ok sorry for the delay, I had to think about how to answer and also am studying for a test. But honestly I don’t think I can right now/I dont think we should try to set in stone the nature of a friendship going forward a few days after the end of a relationship. Like I don’t see any reason why in the future we couldn’t be friends, but I’m also pretty sure I’ve hurt/pissed you off a good deal recently, so we’re probably not gonna be immediate bffs. I definitely never had any intention of never speaking again though
—-
So at this point that’s like... 2 months ago. Personally I feel I’m fine. I’ve moved on. He don’t wanna date me so I’m not going to pine over it. But... I do actually wanna be friends with him. Like I really enjoyed our conversations and I would be totally fine being platonic. I just...... really don’t know how to begin that conversation. He doesn’t post much on social media, but he’s active on it and used to like a bunch of my posts and send me stuff all the time but since then it’s been silence on his end. No interaction with me at all. I just don’t know how to read that. He said he wants to be friends but does he REALLY? Do I just send him stuff I know he’d like and start a friendship that way? Or do I send a heartfelt message about wanting to just be platonic friends because I genuinely enjoy our conversations? Idk how to go about this. Plz give me advice
Late last year I met this guy on a dating app and we started talking literally every single day and we really hit it off. We went on several dates, he was showing signs that he was really into me, and it’s VERY difficult (and hence it’s been a VERY long time) for me to even like someone but I started really liking him. I will say we tended to have different interests (he’s full time in med school, an adventurous cook, loves politics and I’m a full time worker, a very picky eater, not so into politics) but despite that we got along great and we did have things in common too. And everything was compatible in bed too for anyone who asks lol
Anyway the situation gets hairy around November, he goes home for Thanksgiving break, and when he gets back I’m really sick, then he has to study for a test so it’s like almost 2 weeks of not seeing each other but we’re still talking every day. We finally agree on a day to get together and I’m very excited and then on that day I get this text from him:
Bryan,
I genuinely feel terrible right now about this, but I also really feel the need to get something off my chest. Ive been thinking a lot recently and have been realizing that I think there are too many differences between us that would probably cause incompatibility problems if we continued toward the relationship we seem to be headed toward. You’re such a good person and you deserve a lot better than what I can give you right now. I’m really really sorry, especially for the suddenness of this, but again I just felt it was important to be honest about how I felt. I really don’t want you to think this is because of anything you did, its definitely mostly my neuroticism. I really hope that we can be friends going forward if thats possible; Im so so freaking sorry again
—
I was like :///// “it’s not you it’s me” is such a cop out and he really didn’t actually explain why he felt it wouldn’t work. It was all very vague. I texted back:
Obviously I’m upset, but I appreciate that you were honest with me. If you want to be friends still then that’s possible.
____
But while I was sulking for a bit I really wasn’t satisfied with his explanation. So a few days later I texted this:
Hey. I wanted to text you to clear some things up. First, I’ll admit it stung being dumped mostly because I felt like it came out of nowhere and also the reasoning seemed vague. But you’re an adult and allowed to make that decision and I’m also an adult and mature enough to handle rejection. I’m more interested in dealing with the present and defining our relationship moving forward. Sure you said you’d like to be friends but I’m not sure if that was just a nicety lol. So if you want to be friends, just acquaintances, never speak again, all of that’s fine, but you just gotta let me know.
And got this response:
Ok sorry for the delay, I had to think about how to answer and also am studying for a test. But honestly I don’t think I can right now/I dont think we should try to set in stone the nature of a friendship going forward a few days after the end of a relationship. Like I don’t see any reason why in the future we couldn’t be friends, but I’m also pretty sure I’ve hurt/pissed you off a good deal recently, so we’re probably not gonna be immediate bffs. I definitely never had any intention of never speaking again though
—-
So at this point that’s like... 2 months ago. Personally I feel I’m fine. I’ve moved on. He don’t wanna date me so I’m not going to pine over it. But... I do actually wanna be friends with him. Like I really enjoyed our conversations and I would be totally fine being platonic. I just...... really don’t know how to begin that conversation. He doesn’t post much on social media, but he’s active on it and used to like a bunch of my posts and send me stuff all the time but since then it’s been silence on his end. No interaction with me at all. I just don’t know how to read that. He said he wants to be friends but does he REALLY? Do I just send him stuff I know he’d like and start a friendship that way? Or do I send a heartfelt message about wanting to just be platonic friends because I genuinely enjoy our conversations? Idk how to go about this. Plz give me advice